The Ending of an Affair

So I got my official scheduling reminder of the surgery today, basically saying that I’m officially in the computer. My surgery is going to be at 11am on April 24th. Reading this in actual print made it just a bit more real, a bit more terrifying and yet exciting. I’ve never had any kind of surgery before. My twins were even born vaginally, no C-section. That combined with the fact that I work in surgery so I literally know everything that could go wrong has me just a bit scared. Just a bit. I’ll admit it, maybe more than a bit. I’ve never been on the “other side” of surgery. Medical professionals, especially nurses, are notorious for being terrible patients. I’m curious what kind I’ll end up being, especially while still drugged up and not 100% in my own mind.

I’ve found that the last few weeks I have felt like I’m ending a love affair, mourning the loss of all the yummy, bad-for-me food that I’ve eaten my entire life. I haven’t been policing what I’ve been eating as much as I should be, rationalizing that I’d better eat it now because after I won’t be able to. I’m still portion controlling and getting my protein and water in like I should though at the same time so it’s not all bad. When I’m eating something that’s been an old time favorite I’ll have the thought in the back of my brain that “this might be the last time I ever eat this” and get just a tad sad. I know it’s just food, but it’s also been my coping mechanism for most of my life.

I’ve also decided to have a “last supper” of sorts the weekend before my preop liquid diet starts. There’s a local Brazilian steakhouse that my husband and I love to go to for special occasions. It’s hella expensive though. $50 a person. We only go when there’s a groupon making it a bit more reasonable at $25 a person. It’s literally a never ending steak and meat buffet. There’s guys who walk around with 12-14 prime cuts of meat on spickets and cut off a slice when beckoned, as well as a huge buffet of sides, salads, etc.  It’s amazing. After the surgery though it just won’t make sense financially to go there when I’ll be full after 3-4 bites. Another thing I’m mourning. Maybe there’s a kids menu? One can hope…

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