My Two Milestones

After being on the pre-op liquid diet for one week I’ve lost about 5 pounds, putting me squarely one pound under my first self-appointed milestone. (Dad’s lost 7 pounds, btw). I have the distinct memory at 245 pounds thinking that it was the heaviest I’d ever been and that I needed to do something about it. That thought, and weight, happened around our wedding 8 1/2 years and many diets ago. Today I weighed in at 244 lbs. I’ve never been happier to be where I thought I was fat before.

Collage 2017-04-17 10_23_49

I was the same weight in all the above pictures, 245 lbs. The first is at our wedding, obviously. The second I was 9 months pregnant with twins. And the third was from this past weekend.

My second milestone that I met over this past weekend was rewearing this dress:

Collage 2017-04-17 10_25_35

I had originally bought this dress to wear to the naming ceremony of our daughters. When I initially bought it after they were born I had lost a lot of weight over the course of the pregnancy and actually weighed less coming out of it than I did going in. That didn’t last long. Within the 6 months between their birth and the ceremony I had put on probably 20-25 pounds. I don’t actually know the exact amount because I actively avoided finding out. I attribute this to probable undiagnosed post-partum depression, and the mentality that since I was breastfeeding twins it didn’t matter what I ate because I’d burn it off anyway. Very not true by the way. Trying on this dress at the store I felt incredibly pretty and feminine, which after being a human whale for a significant amount of time was a big deal. By the time I wore it and had to stand in front of our family and friends I just wanted to hide.  This past weekend I ventured to trying it on again after 5 years, which is also a big deal since there’s many emotions associated with this dress. Low and behold it fit! and it actually looked good! I even went so far to put on makeup since it actually made me feel good to be wearing a dress again.

Today marks the beginning of week 2 of the pre-op diet and I’m not terribly physically hungry, but I’m definitely head hungry. You’ll find if you read through enough bariatric forums, books, etc that they’ll talk about head hunger. This is basically all the cravings, all the self-sabotaging thoughts that lead to gorging yourself on unhealthy foods. You can be full and satiated but still hungry and thinking about what you’re going to eat next. That’s me. I’m fantasizing about certain foods. Steak. Sushi. A large loaded baked potato. I’ve done pretty good not giving in. I’ve only really cheated once in the week. Friday night I waited too long to eat and drink my evening protein shake so I was hungry and hangry and so I gave in. I had some shrimp tempura, along with the protein shake. I’m not even really feeling guilty about it. There are a lot worse things I could have cheated with and it was hella yummy. After a week of broth and jello it was incredibly yummy.

Here’s to doing better this week and having no cheats! One week to go, from today. Eek!


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